Dear self,
A new year will not change you, or your life, overnight, as if the universe snapped its fingers and life magically changes. You are the main character of your own story, of your own life, so it is your own responsibility to treat your main character as how you want your story to progress.
When you write a story, you always have a clear background of your characters, especially your main character. You want her (it’s usually women, right?) to achieve a certain goal, which is why you always set her on a certain path that will eventually lead to that goal. You make her endure some hardships so she could learn aspects of life that she would need when she reaches the final stage towards the goal?
But you usually don’t let your main character have a fairy-tale ending. You like her to have something bittersweet, because it reminds you of your own life. She doesn’t always get the things she wants in life, but you still lead her towards the things she wants. And when she realizes that, she learns and she creates new goals for her own good, moving on from what was a phase of life.
Remember L, and how she leaves behind everything to return? She achieved her goals, though you made her go through a break-up, which led her to more alcohol, which led her to almost fail her thesis, but she owned herself, right? She finished it. She reached her goal, though through ways her past self would prefer to not go through.
Let’s talk about the other L. She has her dream job, but isn’t she lonely? She longs for a love life, but she doesn’t force herself to a love life that might not be a good addition to her life. She lets life flow, and when a certain someone, someone with potential, appears, she treats him as she would treat a friend, only to later grow closer. She let her feelings for him grow, and she didn’t force herself into a relationship before she was sure of it. You made her open up to him, but only when she felt comfortable to open up. You let her grow, without forcing her to grow. She found what she wanted in the end, without sacrificing something she had dreamed for a long time.
Or we’ll talk about N, because she has a worse ending than the previous two. Not worse in a very ugly way, but it made your heart ache, even the nth time you read that manuscript. You made her go through ugly sh*t in the past, to later lead a regular office worker life. Only in that boring (in some people’s eyes) life did she stumbled upon someone who she thought might be ideal. What did you do? You made him the villain in her eyes. And, with time, she decided to forgive him, not forgetting about the deeds but still letting go of something that could be poisonous to her if she had kept holding on to it. She didn’t get the relationship she once imagined about, but you made her learn about letting go someone who was once so dear to you.
Do we also have to talk about S, in your never-ending project? You made her suffer from the first page of the story, stranding her in a foreign land with the help of an unexpected person. You then gave her new friends, who would later become brothers to her, only to betray her in the end. You made her meet someone who developed a rather close friendship with her, only to then make him betray her in the end. But she fought through it all, because she was firm on her one goal: to return home. She endured it all: the fights, the betrayals, the cunning situations. She gathered information and logistics during her journey, until she accumulated everything needed for her to return home. And she did return home, although it was a different home than it was when she was first forced to leaved. She achieved her goals, which led her to a new challenge. She knew that returning home would present her with far greater challenges, and she still accepted. She went on with life.
There’s also E, your darling in your most recent project. You put her in the same family situation as yours, putting the problems you face as her problems, as you try to sort out your own emotions. But you added extras, with a huge responsibility in her hands, despite her lack of knowledge in the field beforehand. She broke down many times in the course of the journey, almost giving up in many points of the story, but she fought on with the support of those around her. From being controlled by everyone’s decisions, she rose to become the one controlling everyone else’s decisions.
See, the thing is, you have crafted complex stories for your characters, with major hurdles to overcome, which they did, but have you ever sat down and think about what kind of story you want for yourself? As you have painstakingly learned all these years, you know that plotting a story is one of the hardest and most important part of writing a good story. Have you plotted the kind of story you want to live, as the main character of your own life?
And, sure, you can’t control everything in your life. There are various external factors that can’t be controlled, but will influence the direction of life you take. But is that a reason to not plot the story for your own life? If things change, you can rewrite the story, just life you have done many times before (special mention to N’s and S’s stories for having been rewritten more than 5 times each).
Sit down and start plotting your own story. As people around you always say, it’s never too late for anything. You can just start now from 0 and let the course of life direct you towards an ending you want for you, the protagonist.
The Midnight Pianist 