2016: A Reflection

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Happy new year, guys! 🙂

I’m so happy that 2017 has come because, symbollically, it can mean a new beginning to many of us. It’s true that we created this concept of “time”, hence making our minds believe that with a new year, comes a fresh, new slate to begin with. We are trained to believe that a new year will help us change into a new person, with new goals and new life objectives.

However, I had 2016 quite rough. I mean, I had my share of good times and bad times. Like to most of us, the bad times affect more than the good times, which is why we tend to remember the bad times more than the good times. That applies to me as well, and, as much as I cherished the beautiful moments that happened to me in 2016, I can’t help but also remember the bad times and be sad of it.

Hence, the reason why I consider 2016 as devastating.

2016 has emotionally drained me. It has pulled the mental life force out of me, it was the year of negative thoughts and anxieties. I overcame depression in 2016 and self-diagnosed myself with mild bipolar disorder (after re-reading my previous journals and taking a few tests), but I decided to not go to a psychiatrist because I didn’t want to be prescribed medicine. I had a very nasty break-up and was emotionally abused for a good amount of time, only to realize it recently. I was stupid and naive, I was too kind and too nice to people.

However, I got to travel 3 times in 2016: to Semarang (Central Java), Tanjung Lesung (Banten), and Bali. Semarang was for a friend’s wedding, Tanjung Lesung for a family trip, and Bali for my best friend’s wedding. These were eye-opening trips and made me appreciate my country more, as well as appreciate myself. When you travel, you learn more about yourself and your travel companions, so I guess I learned a lot in my short trips.

I still live independently in 2016 (and continues until now) and I got a cat named Kiko. She is a miracle to me. When she was first adopted, she was just a stray kitten constantly wanting love and attention. I would get mad at her several times for making my room dirty, but hey, that’s the downside of having pets. But she came around as a sweet angel during the bad times and I was grateful I always had her by my side.

I would also consider myself to have matured in 2016. And by being more mature, I would say that I have matured a lot more than the year before. The emotionally draining moments I mentioned a few paragraphs before have toughened me up and helped me get through it. On the upside, I would consider myself to be wiser when judging a character. On the downside, I am more closed to people than before. All of my friends would say I’m still the bubbly personality they know, but only the closest friends would know that that’s just a layer to hide what’s beneath.

I also think that in 2016 I was exposed to how diverse a single person can be. How vast would their range of emotions would be, how far people would go to get what they want, and how ugly a person’s personality can be after triggered by one single moment. Also, how one stupid act can ruin your whole life. The point is, if you hurt someone, you’ll be surprised by how far they’ll go. And if you’re hurt by someone, you’ll be surprised at how strong you are.

2016 was shitty and f*cked up. But, I’m grateful I get to learn important life lessons.

Bring it on, 2017!

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