Being in my final year of university, I tend to think that this will be it. This is the most important year of my university life. I have to pass this year, because I don’t want to burden my parents by not passing the year and having to repeat classes. No, I don’t want that to happen.
There is something that I find quite scary about myself. I value my academic life more than anything. I’d rather not go to sleep for days as long as my work is done the way I want it. If emergency ever happens, at least the work has to fulfill the minimum requirements set by the professor. It’s easy for me to not contact my family or friends in my home country for days when I am in the middle of such works. They might (or will) scold me, but I have my head set to one direction: assignments and good grades.
The fact that I also don’t want to repeat another year, or fail one or two classes (or more), is also engraved in my brain, and it makes me more oriented towards the success of my works.
However, please mind that I already have 3 overseas trips planned, and a part time job to do in between classes. I’m not that type who buries herself in her room to make sure everything is perfect.
I know my limits.
But if I were to make a priority list, it’d be:
- Part-time job
- Family and friends
For those reasons, I decided to end a very young relationship I was in. Yes, people, this is for you who keep on questioning me on why I would end such short relation? In fact, they asked, “Why would you be in that relationship if you know you’re going to end it the day you return to Madrid?”.
Knowing myself and having experienced long-distance-friendships, I know that I am an emotionally distant person. I can keep up with intense conversations with my closest friends and family for a month, but after said month, I would unconsciously ignore them for another month or two, and I wouldn’t feel guilty about not talking to them.
It is something in my character, and I strongly believe that if I were to put myself in an experiment to see if a long-distance relationship would work, I will ruin myself and the relationship and the significant other. I will stop talking for weeks without me realizing that weeks had passed, and then a fight would ensue. Or with busy schedules, I wouldn’t be able to make it to a Skype call (I might make it, if I were to sacrifice my sleep, which will be something very precious in this fourth year), and we’d fight over not having the relationship in our priority and not able to make time for each other.
No. Just no. I know myself, I know how I act. I don’t care about my surroundings when I’m deep in my thoughts, doing assignments. And I know that my I-don’t-care attitude will affect the relationship so deep, the significant other would find a replacement, and I’ll be emotionally stressed, and I’d be failing classes, and voila. Repeat the final year.
This post is dedicated to those who frown when I said I broke up with him after a mere 3 weeks. Yes, we still care for each other, but a status would ruin both of us, especially with such long distance and such busy schedule.